Why Getting Thin Isn’t My Top Priority Anymore

The moment I finished reading the inside cover of 45 Pounds (More or Less), I made my way to the librarian’s counter to check it out. The book is about a girl who, in some aspects, is exactly like me. She’s 16, weighs almost the same as me, and even wears a dress size close to mine. After finding out that her Aunt Jackie is getting married, she makes the decision to 45 pounds in 2 and a half months…nearly the same amount of weight I want to lose, and almost the same amount of time I wanted it to take. I thought, “If we’re this alike, maybe I can see how she loses the weight, so I can, too.”

I didn’t get the answer I expected.

Ann does whatever it takes to lose the weight, mainly ordering food from a company much like Nutrisystem*. The food tastes horrible, and she’s constantly hungry, but that doesn’t stop her from keeping with it. What does drive her to quit it, however, is her younger sister Libby. After taking notice of Libby’s unhealthy eating habits, a result of both Ann and her mother’s own bad eating habits, Ann decides to focus more on setting a good example for her sister. In the end, she only loses about 27 pounds out of the 45 she originally aimed for. Instead of being disappointed by this, she’s happy with what she has. She isn’t starving. She isn’t eating food that tastes like cardboard. Now, she’s taking the right steps to get healthier. I’m sure I’m not doing this story justice, but I don’t want to bore anyone with a long synopsis, so this is only a condensed version. 

At the time I started reading 45 Pounds, I had a tumultuous relationship with food, and it’s still something I’m fighting with. I’ve never been of average weight. Even before junior high, I noticed that I was larger than most of my friends. Today, it could be better defined as knowing I struggle with weight, while most people I know don’t give what they eat a second thought. It got to the point where I wanted to starve myself. I began to skip breakfast, with the easy-to-use excuse of “I don’t have time.” I would go to school with a lunch packed with as little as possible, thinking that my stomach would eventually shrink enough for it to be filling. When I got home from school, I’d wait as long as possible until I ate again. 

I realized just how unhealthy this was after finishing the book. Food was the enemy, and the weight I might have gained was punishment for eating. Luckily, these habits weren’t severe enough for me to require therapy. Now, I have to keep in mind that as long as I make healthy choices, I don’t need to restrain myself like that. It’s still tempting to wait too long before eating a meal, or to mentally calculate how many calories are in whatever I’m eating, but it’s getting easier. 

What drives out these negative thoughts is knowing that I have family and friends that love me. And not just a shallow, “like” love. The kind that you know is unconditional, and doesn’t look on the outside. One memory that stands out to me is when a friend of mine had come back into town for spring break, and when he hugged me and told me that it was good to see me. It was shocking to me that someone that didn’t see or talk to me in person often was actually happy to see me. That meant the world to me. When I realized that all of my other friends have shown me that they care in the same way, I felt like how I looked became a lot less important. But, I didn’t truly believe it until after reading 45 Pounds. Sometimes, it takes a reminder like that for things to sink in.

You know, I don’t have much to gain from losing weight, except becoming a healthier person. In that case, shouldn’t it only be for me, and not to get approval from someone else?

~Morgan Elizabeth

*I’m not saying Nutrisystem is anything like the weight loss system in 45 Pounds (More or Less). Just giving an example of the type of program it is.

 

 

 

The Obligatory NYE Post

2013 was probably one of my best years yet. I got accepted into Brashier, which totally shocked me. I still remember my mom’s apprehension about me going, even keeping the books she had ordered in case it didn’t work out. While I’m still adjusting to all of the work, and sometimes wonder if it’s all worth the stress, I’m proud to be a Bengal 🙂

I’m also so thankful for all of the people I’ve met there. Classes are so much better with the friends I’ve made in them. One of my favorite memories will be walking down to the college for Psychology this semester with the group I (somewhat secretly) think of as my “posse.” I’m going to miss going back after break and not having them to talk to. Anyways, I’m thankful for all of the people I’ve come into contact with over this entire year. Whether it be at church, school, or elsewhere, I firmly believe that every time I talked with anyone was for a reason.

Most of all, I’m so glad that I got saved this year. I’m still learning to live how God wants me to, but I feel like I’ve made a lot of improvements over the past two months. It helps to still be involved with Bible Quiz, which I enjoy immensely. I’ve gotten to know great people through it, and it’s so helpful to have the Word in my life in that way.

Maybe I should have made this post at Thanksgiving, but I feel like it’s necessary for me to look back on all of the good that happened this year in order to have a positive outlook on the coming year, as well as to remind me that I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m thrilled to see what 2014 has in store. I don’t feel stuck anymore. All of the resolutions and goals I have for the year seem tangible, unlike past years. Of course, God could be laughing at my expectations of what I think the year will be like, but maybe that’s a good thing. He’s probably going to work things out in ways that I didn’t expect, as He always seems to do.

See you all in 2014!

~Morgan Elizabeth

My Salvation Story

Five days ago, on the night before I turned seventeen, I sat on the curb outside of my church. I was debating between going home to work on homework (aka procrastinate), or stay for the service. The Frazor team was visiting, and I had gone to the pre-service for the teens they put on that evening. I had also gone canvassing with the team earlier on the afternoon. My heart was barely half in it all. The weird part? No one forced me to go. I had gone completely of my own will. I’m still not sure why I’d gone. Maybe it was because I felt like I had to, or maybe it was because God knew that I needed to be there, even if I wasn’t giving it my all.

For the past couple of months, I had secretly labeled myself as agnostic, after I had been doubting for a while. In the beginning of being in my own new “religion”, I hated going to church, and I despised any talk of God. I knew I was a complete hypocrite as I sang along to every hymn, but I didn’t know what else to do. If I’d had it my way, I would have walked out long before the first notes of the first hymn was played. 

In the past few weeks, I had become more tolerant of Christianity, though I still didn’t know if I truly believed. About a week or two before the team came, I had started to become more open to the idea of Christianity, but I still wasn’t decided on anything. On Sunday, the first day that the team was here, I tuned out in the morning, as usual. I didn’t feel much in me. I was more concerned about moving on to the second service, then getting home. 

On Sunday evening, I was surprised that I was actually paying attention. Sure, I usually did tune in enough for notes, but I didn’t focus on the content. Normally, I only copied words onto the paper, so that I had something to keep me busy. However, this night, I was really listening to what was being said. The sermon had been titled “Is the Young Man Safe?”. The basic theme was that no one is safe when they are in sin. Immediately, I knew that it applied to my life. Sure, I wasn’t in the faith, nevertheless, I realized that it was something I needed to listen to. And that was the night when the transformation of my heart first began.

The next day, I went canvassing again, and also went to the pre-service. I can’t remember what was taught in the last few minutes, but I do remember raising my hand when we were asked if we would like them to pray for us, if we were unsure of our salvation. I was feeling a tug on my heart, and had been over the past few weeks, but it hadn’t been this strong before. 

This brings us to where I started off. I had been planning to be picked up and taken home after the pre-service, but Nate (one of the members of the Frazor team) had mentioned to us that if we felt like we needed to talk to someone, we could feel free to talk to one of them about it after the service. It was something that I was seriously considering. I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone about my doubts, and how conflicted I felt. If anything, at least I could at least get those things off of my chest.

As I sat there on the curb, I made my decision. I called my mom, and told her that I would be staying for the service, and that I’d try to talk to someone after the service. I hurried inside after hanging up, finding a spot beside one of my friends. Truth be told, I have no recollection of what was taught that night, as I was so exhausted from Sunday, and the hectic Monday I’d had, that I found it hard to even keep my eyes open. I was struggling to stay awake, but I knew that I needed to be there, and that I had made the right decision when I came there. 

When we all had our heads bowed and eyes closed, Jeremy Frazor asked if we were uncertain about our salvation, and if we would like prayers. For the second time that night, I raised my hand. After the service ended, I found one of the girls (Hannah) from the team at a table in the lobby, and we went back to the room where the pre-service was held, and we ended up talking for about 45 minutes. I was so grateful that I’d decided to stay, and still am now. We discussed so much, and the entire time, I could feel myself getting closer and closer to believing.

When I told her of that tugging in my heart, she excitedly told me, “God wants to use you, Morgan.” It was at that moment that I truly believed. All this time, God had been watching over me, wanting me to come back to Him. In the past, when I’d thought I was truly saved, it had been a false, shallow kind of faith, if you could call it that. I only wanted “a free ticket out of Hell”, as it had been put. Now, it was different. I wanted to change, and I really did want to give up my life to Him.

In that room with Hannah, I confessed that I was a sinner to the Lord, and I told Him that I wanted to turn away from my sins, and serve Him with my entire life. It felt like my heart was overflowing with joy, and I couldn’t help but smile. I knew that I had a long way to go, but I was serious about changing my life into one that would please God. 

On Thursday night, we had Cola Wars at the youth center, and during the service towards the end, I kept getting teary. I was so happy for the opportunities to hear the Word preached, and I was so glad to finally be right with God. I ended up taking one of my friends to talk with another girl on the team (Sarah) during the invitation. Though I was seeing improvements in my life, and could see my own change in heart, I felt like I needed advice from a sister in Christ. Sarah helped me, and I believe she also helped my friend, to find ways to continue in our walk with God.

I can’t express how thankful I am for the whole team, and all of the work that they did during this week. They are truly selfless people, and were an incredible inspiration to me throughout the week. I’ll admit, I was also a little teary during that last service, because I knew I was going to miss them a lot. I had really liked being around them and talking with them, but I know that they’re going on to do great things. Whoever they come into contact with will be truly blessed, and I hope that all of the team is equally blessed. They deserve it.

That’s the (rather lengthy) story of how I came to become a child of God! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me. I’m going to the Wilds next summer, and I hope that a lot of good comes of that. I look forward to growing in Him, and being the person that He wants me to be. 

~Morgan Elizabeth

Having My Own Opinions

Something happened in my life recently, which I had a strong reaction to. And I made the mistake of posting about it on Facebook. To be fair, I wasn’t right in putting the blame on people who I’m sure were just trying to look out for me, and the other people it affected. However, I had a problem with what people were telling me.

 

Most responses were, “You should be seeing it this way” or “It all happened for a reason, and we need to accept that.” I appreciate the thought on the last one, and I even agree with it, but the first? Not so much. I am paraphrasing here, but those were the jists of what was said.

 

First of all, I do NOT have to see things the same way as you do. If you’re telling me it’s what Christians need to do, well sorry, but I disagree. I’d like to know who decided what the right reactions, and the thoughts that come with them, are. The pain, the anger I felt, I believe it was okay, and even normal. I know others will disagree, but it’s my opinion. Apparently, because I didn’t praise God, or say “I know he’ll work everything out,” it was wrong. Because I had the intellect to question the motives behind a decision made, and voiced it, it was wrong. There’s something wrong with that picture.

 

I have a lot more of my opinions I could share, but I think it’s best to keep them to myself. I’m still trying to figure things out for myself, and I don’t want anyone criticizing that. Just my thoughts for the day.

 

~Morgan Elizabeth

Time to Activate Beast Mode

So, I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. It was just a follow-up thing, nothing serious. Everything went wonderfully, except…the weighing. 

 

Now, I have never freaked out over my weight, nor did I today. But, after realizing how close I am to a number I never want to get to, I could feel my heart drop. I’ll admit: I eat way too much, and I’m about as lazy as one can get. I guess today was my wake up call, especially after finding out that I can be considered, by medical standards, obese. I didn’t want to get to that, either, but I suppose I have.

 

A few months ago, I was more serious about getting in shape. I’ve fallen out of it, but now, I think I’m ready to make a permanent change. I’m tired of complaining about my body, when I’m doing nothing to help it. To help, I’ve gotten back into posting on my fitblr. A fitblr is a Tumblr account dedicated to fitness and all-around healthiness. I was really involved in it a few months ago, but abandoned it after going back to the laziness. 

 

In case anybody wants updates on my weight loss journey, or just wants some healthy inspiration, my Tumblr is http://committedtoahealthierme.tumblr.com/

 

~Morgan Elizabeth

Link to Silver Linings Facebook Page

Sorry guys! I totally forgot to give you the link to the page for SL that I mentioned I was going to make. You can go like it here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Silver-Linings-Jewelry-and-Things/386962034756474?fref=ts

 

~Morgan Elizabeth

 

Hopefully that should work! Let me know if it doesn’t. 

Miss America, and Why I Hate It

So apparently, the whole “Miss America” thing was on last night. Never watched it, and I simply did not care enough to watch it yesterday, either. I think you can tell where this post is going. 

I suppose you could say I’m slightly bitter about it, and I’ll try my best not to get too nasty about it. And no, I am not bitter because I know I’d never be “good enough” to become Miss America, but because of how incredibly shallow and vain the entire thing is.

I decided to do some research, to see if I had a justifiable reason to hate this beauty pageant so much. I do believe I found one, as well as others. One thing that infuriated me is that they have a separate Miss America pageant for plus-sized women. I’m not surprised at all by this, but it still angers me. It would seem like the Miss America pageant would accept everyone, right? NOT SO. Why are plus-sized women so different, that they have a separate pageant? That’s just it. They’re not, but being treated like they are.

Also, I found a great blog post about this subject, and it seemed like a good summary of the pageant. Here is something she wrote in the post:

“What are the events/criteria to judge these lovely, talented women to receive those scholarships? Round 1: Swim suits. But if you aren’t just the right body type, you’re cut. Round 2: Evening gowns. Are you pretty? Do you wear dresses? Does your dress make you look pretty? No? Sorry. Round 3: Do you have a talent? Maybe you have a skill. Entertain us momentarily and make us fall in love with you in five minutes. Lastly, Round 4: Do you talk? We’re going to give you a question you can’t prepare for, and judge you on your ability to *expletive* a smart-sounding answer. All of this, to empower women, to enable them to do great things.

But to the millions of women that watch this annual misogynistic tragedy every year have just been told, “If you’re pretty enough, and have a great body, you’ll get somewhere.”

Amen.

I truly believe that they throw in the third and fourth rounds just so it seems like it’s not all about beauty. Because if it’s not all about the beauty, then maybe they wouldn’t have those first and second rounds, which are used to shamelessly flaunt those perfect, barbie doll bodies. Yeah, this is what our generation of girls needs to be taught. That you have to be impossibly thin and have no imperfections. Not that there’s anything wrong with girls who look like that. It’s just the way that these women are portrayed, dressed up in skimpy outfits and swim suits.

See, normal girls like me could be incredibly discouraged, and develop horribly low self-esteem. Fortunately, I don’t fall for that “beautiful is better” philosophy that the pageant seem to project, so it’s not a problem for me. Say I did really care about the whole thing, and I tried out for some sort of pageant. Would the people who run it want a nearly overweight girl, whose stretch marks and scabs from a condition are revealed in a swim suit? They’d probably laugh in my face, no matter how smart I could be. 

Perhaps i’m being too judgmental. Maybe it really isn’t all about the beauty. However, I’ll quote the legendary Adrian Monk and say, “I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.”

Time to Be Bold

It is extremely difficult to make this post, because I know I could face a lot of criticism. However, after conversing with one of my friends about this, I’ve decided it’s the right thing to do. More people need to speak up on behalf of people affected by this problem. The problem? Over-bearing IFB-ism/any kind of religious oppression.

 

One example can be taken from a recent incident. A man named Chris Peterman was expelled from Bob Jones University. Why? For watching Glee at a Starbucks. He wasn’t even on school property. This gave him demerits, which in ended in him being kicked out. That’s not even the entire story. Another reported reason for being kicked out was that he had posted lyrics to a CCM song. He had also been forced to attend meetings with the dean, because he was supposedly “not a good Christian.”  He was given additional demerits for “disrespecting authority” before being expelled, when in fact, he had only refused to believe their exactly what they did. It has been said he was even followed, making sure if he did anything wrong, it would be noticed. Note, I could be wrong about some of these facts, but these are all things I have read about this incident.

 

This is just one instance of how controlling Independent Fundamental Baptism is getting. Not that all who are of this religion are the same, but it seems that more and more people are becoming brainwashed by it, especially in the Bible Belt. It’s actually revolting how bad this is getting, especially in schools like BJU. It’s time that someone said “Enough is enough!”

 

The following is a poem I wrote. Think about the fact that many people feel this way in their schools, homes, and more. 

 

~

 

Little by little, I feel the pressure grow

 

The stress to fit your standards, your rules, your beliefs

 

Is this right? Cramming your ideas down my throat?

 

Is this my faith, or is it yours?

 

 

Everyone expects me to stay here, under your command.

 

They look up to you, treating you like the God they worship.

 

You do just what they like, force me to believe what you believe.

 

Is this my heart, or is it yours?

 

 

Are these my thoughts, or are they yours?

 

If I fail, I know you’ll be there to see.

 

I do something wrong in your eyes, and it’s not too long before you tear me down.

 

Is this my life, or is it yours?

 

 

The line between faith and following the rules is blurring.

 

How can I focus on what’s holy, when I’m constantly going over the list of what’s right and wrong?

 

It makes me feel like there’s no way out, no way of escape.

 

Is this my soul, or is it yours?

~

I’m only expressing my opinions on this subject, and hope to get people thinking in a different perspective. I also understand that there is more to the story than I know, and that there is wrong on both sides. I hope no one has been offended by this post. 

 

~Morgan Elizabeth

 

 

 

 

More Than A Break

It’s been almost a week and a half since I first arrived in Florida. Lots of stuff has happened. I’ve become an adrenaline junkie, and tried a lot of things that I was afraid of, or simply didn’t want to give a chance. It’s been a great experience, and I’m so glad I’ve been able to go on this trip.

 

Before I came back to Florida, I was considering going to college in my hometown. I wasn’t sure how well I’d like being back in Florida, so I promised myself that I wouldn’t seriously consider it until I was actually back. As soon as we crossed the state border, I felt like I was home. Everything felt so new, yet familiar. Even more so once I got to my hometown.

 

Normally, during vacation, I start missing home pretty quickly. Not the case here. Of course, I miss my family and friends. Otherwise, there is not one thing I miss about that place. Everyone here seems more accepting. I feel like I can really trust these people. Maybe it’s because of the bad experiences I’ve had back in my town, but still, I feel like I’m actually welcomed. Even by other teens. I don’t feel excluded or looked down upon, I don’t feel judged. I love it.

 

That’s not the only reason why I love this town so much. I would’ve thought that I would hate it because I  don’t care for Spanish architecture, which is prominent here. Surprisingly, it seems to be the one of the greatest things about South Florida. I also never cared for the beach, yet I think being by the coast is wonderful. I’ve actually been wanting to go to the beach really badly. I don’t understand how my opinions have changed, but I don’t care that much now. I’m savoring every moment here.

 

Well, I think that’s about it. I’m definitely rambling now, and I should finish this post before I make absolutely no sense. 

 

~Morgan Elizabeth

Hooray for Spontaneous Posts!

While I was at testing today, I was reading in between breaks. The book is called Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. If you haven’t read it, I insist that you go get a copy ASAP. I’ve been reading it with my core group leader, and I’ve enjoyed discussing it with her.

 

But anyways, I was reading it, and one part really caught my attention. They told the story of a girl who had supposedly “gone above and beyond.” A good Christian girl who was at the head of her class, and was the co-captain of the cheerleading squad. She was doing pretty alright. Everybody praised her, and she seemed to be doing a lot more than most teens usually do.

 

And it’s true. A lot of teens couldn’t do all of that. However, with all of that praise, and the list of accomplishments, it caused that girl to become too comfortable. She got used to what came easily to her. I couldn’t help but think, “Am I like her?” It didn’t take much self-examination to get my answer. That answer? YES.

 

Let me tell you, I am by no means popular, or extra-talented. However, I can definitely identify with getting way too comfortable with where I’m at in life. Lately, I’ve figured that because I do fairly well in school and volunteer, that’s good enough. But that’s the problem right there. I thought it was enough. We can’t be content with enough! In order to get anywhere in life, or make an impact, is to go further than that. We need to push ourselves. Even when we think we’ve done enough, say “What more can I do?”

 

And hey, I’m not gonna be a hypocrite about it. I’m going to be putting what I’ve read to use for sure. I’m really excited about it. Do Hard Things has taught me so many great lessons since I started reading it, and it even helped me start volunteering. I can only imagine what else could happen if I continue to read it, and put those ideas into action in my own life.

 

Okay, this is the official last post before I go on vacation. Hopefully, I’ll have a lot to post about while I’m in Florida!

 

~Morgan Elizabeth